


Harry Trotter and the Pork Pie

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, I don't know this Harry Potter the tags speak of, I'm Sorry, M/M, Merry Christmas piggle, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Tagged for graphic violence because honestly I almost couldn't get through writing it, it's a beautiful love story, it's so gory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 01:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13156713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Harry had thought it was just a normal Christmas Day, nothing special. But the poor soul couldn't be more wrong when he is forced to battle against a suspiciously delicious pastry.





	Harry Trotter and the Pork Pie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [small_but_mighty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/small_but_mighty/gifts).



> MERRY CHRISTMAS. I might need a beta at this rate, just check out how much fic I'm pumping out. This whopper of a story practically wrote itself. I could barely contain it.
> 
> Hope you had a good Christmas and that this makes you smile.

It was a crisp winter morning as Harry made his way to the Great Hall for supper, eyes alight with excitement for the Christmas Feast. Ron and Hermione had said earlier that day that they would meet him there and harry had just been a bit held back dealing with, well a situation.

Harry had just been packing up after class when he had been stopped again by Draco Hogboy. They were becoming an unfortunately regular occurrence, their little chats, and Harry wasn’t sure how he felt about it. With the looming threat still present and Draco’s loyalty uncertain, Harry knew he had to be wary. At the same time though, he couldn’t help but feel like he was – for the first time in five years – making real progress getting through to Draco about the things that really mattered here, the things that were really at stake.

But it was so hard to tell what Draco really thought. They had been talking animatedly not half an hour ago, Harry spilling his excitement for Christmas Day tomorrow and Draco shuffling closer to Harry along the desk cushions. And yet Harry just didn’t know if he could trust that things had changed between them since their rocky first year, that Harry could trust their slow-growing, newfound friendship.

Snuffling worriedly, Harry’s good mood dimmed slightly with these familiar concerns, and he picked up the pace towards the Great Hall.

Finally, the great door came into view and Harry started the trot slightly to make it through the doorway. One look at the four great troughs running down the room and Harry’s worries lifted, for now at least. Spotting Hermione and Ron, Harry quickly made his way over to them. It didn’t take him two seconds to scope the scene and see that while Hermione had clearly waited for his arrival before beginning eating, Ron had visible gravy around his snout and looked shamefaced while Hermione looked exasperated.

Harry started cackling.

“Oh Ron,” Hermione huffed.

“Hermione!” Ron squealed, “We’ve been here waiting for at least half an hour, I’m not a bloody superpig.”

They both looked askance at Harry, one far more pleadingly than the other and Harry quickly settling himself down on the cushion they had saved for him, huffing in amusement. Thus, they all began to dig in together, faces straight in the trough, as far as they could get them right stuck in there.

A mince pie suddenly seemed to appear in front of Harry and, as a lover of sweet pies, he reached his mouth out and went for the pie. But to Harry’s great despair, just as his teeth grazed the side of its delicious pastry, Ron swooped in, like a thief in the night, to wrestle it away from him.

“Ron Hogley!” Harry grunted in displeasure, but it did nothing to slake Ron’s lust for the pie. He was desperate for it – practically rabid – and with eyes glazed with hunger he swallowed the precious mince pie in one gulp.

Harry squealed miserably, greatly disappointed to be bereft of the pie. And yet as the moments since its consumption passed, Harry couldn’t be sure why he had been so frantic to eat it in the first place. It hadn’t even been hot, as far as he had been able to tell from his brief encounter with its pastry. Fairly shoddy work from the castle kitchens in all honestly, Harry mused.

He didn’t get a chance to muse long though before Ron whipped his head out of the trough with an oinking groan.

“Goddamn Harry, that mince pie was out of this world. I wish there were more.”

And with this plea having been uttered, Ron gave a cresting oink and suddenly fell to the ground with his trotters to the sky like a possum. And with that, he lay still as the grave.

There were sounds of shock and horror about the Great Hall and Harry rushed to Ron’s side, heart in his jowls.

Dumbleboar and the teachers gathered quickly around Ron’s still body and begin to inspect him for signs of life.

“Oh thank God, the piglet is still with us” was soon pronounced.

“But what happened to him? Will he be okay?” Harry asked desperately.

Dumbleboar grasped his wand between his teeth and began to perform spells on Ron’s still form. Suddenly, his eyes widened with horror and the room all held its breath in suspense to hear his prognosis.

“By God, he has consumed a Pork Pie,” Dumbleboar finally grunted out.

Gasps filled the room and Hermione’s front legs clutched one of Ron’s trotters tightly as if to protect him. But it was already too late.  

It hadn’t been a mince pie at all but a mince pig! A Pork Pie!

“But how?” A piglet squealed questioningly.

Harry began to hear whispers spread around about His Who Must Not Be Named, whispers of fearful belief of the Dark Boar’s return.

Hermione looked at Harry quickly, scared but with steely determination still in her eyes.

“We’ll get him back to us, Harry” she whispered under the chaotic dim of the Great Hall in raucous disorder.

Before Harry had even realised it, Ginny had run to Ron’s side, to sit with him and Hermione.

“My granddad once told us the tale of the Pork Pie. Its power is real and cannot be underestimated. We must do everything we can to help my brother.”

Harry, never one to sit on his arse in a crisis, jumped up and turned to Dumbleboar.

“Sir, I think that Pork Pie was intended for me. It suddenly appeared in front of me and there is no doubt that I would have eaten it. We all know the truth; he’s back. He is.”

Dumbleboar turned to consider Harry.

“You know it’s him. It’s Voldeporc!”

The Great Hall suddenly shuddered and black smoke began to smash against the far windows from the outside. Some of the younger students begin to huddle to the floor, grabbing onto each other for comfort against the onslaught. Many of the teachers began to run towards the disturbance, wands at the ready. The windows began to crack under the repeated blows of the formless black creature and several students let out cries of fear.

Without warning, the pressure on the windows became too much and they gave in all at once with an ear-splitting crash, shattering to the ground behind the high table. Through the now open holes, fridge December air gusted in, closely followed by the seemingly tangible smoke that quickly separated into ten distinct and hooded figures.

Hermione and Harry moved to stand in front of Ron’s prone body to try to protect him from a probable attack from the Pork Eaters who had just appeared in the Great Hall. The Pork Eaters lined the edges of the room and slowly began to move forward and encircle the students and teachers, forcing them into a tighter space.

Suddenly, with no warning at all, a final dark smoky figure puffed through the window.

It was Voldeporc in the flesh.

Harry’s stomach dropped but he didn’t take his eyes off of the threat in front of him, the Dark Boar himself.

“You cannibalistic monster!” Harry shouted out, finally at the end of his rope.

Hermione grabbed his sleeve to pull him back and turned him towards her, staring meaningfully into his eyes.

“This is our chance, Harry” she whispered. “You know the tales; the only way to save a victim from the deathly effects of a Pork Pie is to feed them the flesh of the caster.”

Harry stared up at Voldeporc and rolled up his sleeves, ready to acquire his pound of flesh.

Voldeporc raised his head, wand in mouth ready to strike. Harry and the Dark Boar locked eyes. And BAAM, Voldeporc let rip the first spell, a virulent purple monstrosity.

Harry raise is wand up to counter but before he had a chance, Draco Hogboy jumped between Harry and the spell. Draco had countered, managing to send the majority of the spell back to plague its caster but the spell had been too strong to entirely deflect. With Voldeporc seemingly down for the count, Harry ran over to Draco and cradled him in his front legs.

Draco looked up at him with tears in his eyes, body shuddering from pain and the after effects of the spell.

“Fancy seeing you here, Harry Trotter,” he gasped out between clenched molars.  

“Fancy indeed,” said Harry, finally realising the depths of his feelings for Hogboy after all this time.

Draco Hogboy then promptly passed the fuck out, probably from the pain, Harry imagined.

The entire Great Hall was in disarray. The Pork Eaters had managed to flee when their leader had fallen and the teachers had made some headway in soothing the frightened students. Over by Voldeporc’s still body, Harry could see Porcinus Pig making motions to collect what Ron needed, aided by a determined Hermione.

Harry looked up from Draco, who was still clutched in his embrace, and gazed out the open window holes of the Great Hall, marvelling at his luck against the Dark Boar and the incredible power of a Pork Pie.

What would next Christmas have in store, he wondered?

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of love, Tay. Merry Christmas. I miss you.


End file.
